no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
