On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
