they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
