Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
