The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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