don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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