We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
