Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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