you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my poor anus
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
