I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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