Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Randomize
