he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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