Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
