dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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