...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize