....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
