if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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