goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
