Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
why is half of my head shaved?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
