hotel room ftw
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's blow job season.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize