where does the pee come out of this thing
it glows. i had to have it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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