We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
