Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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