you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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