WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
