really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
