I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
