If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
