i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
