If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
false alarm, still single
Randomize
