I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cannot find my penis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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