so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are two peas in an std pod
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
