Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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