worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
