They should really pass out barf bags in church
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
