I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
