Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
