I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
