my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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