True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
