Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
