That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
