Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
