New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
