Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
