ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
