cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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