do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
