On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize