haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
