I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize