i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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