I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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