Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
