Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
