he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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