Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
