im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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