I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i drank out of a bidet.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize