need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
