guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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