yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
