another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
