didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
