she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
